Four years. In some ways, it has flown. In other ways, it's been forever.
Four years ago my dad left this mortal existence. I'm glad he has moved on, and doesn't have the trials his mortal body was giving him. I am certain that my dad still exists. I know I will see him again. I have been privileged to feel his presence with his family since his death, and it was a beautiful experience. I hope for future times such as those. I am excited, although I'm sure it is a long time off for me, to be wrapped in his strong protective arms again and feel his love for me. My dad was, and is, awesome.
I don't know if Memorial Day is like this in all states, but in Utah, especially around where I live, the cemeteries fill up with flowers and other paraphernalia at the graves of people's loved ones. I go back and forth on my feelings. Growing up, we never lived near close family member's final resting places, so we never placed flowers at graves. My parents also espoused the belief that it is unnecessary, and went on to tell me that I shouldn't do it for them when the time comes.
When my Dad passed away in 2005, and the first Memorial Day rolled around, I was a little conflicted. But it wasn't a hard decision to make and I went down, bought some potted flowers for my family (and for my mom who was out of town that weekend) and we visited the cemetery. The next year, I did the same, in fact, my mom asked me to get her some again as well since she was out of town again! Last year, I didn't do it.
Guilt.
This year, I knew I'd feel bad driving past the cemetery and seeing all the flowers, and I wouldn't be able to stand it thinking about Dad's empty headstone. I want people that are visiting the cemetery to know that my dad is loved, remembered, and missed. I got the generic offering of daisies this year, but I really think that next year, I'll take a tomato plant. It would just fit, since at this time of year, he was always busy planting his fabulous vegetable garden, which always included a plethora of tomato plants. :)
